That’s normal, right?
I can’t begin to explain the importance of having friends with small children right around the same age as Tucker. Not only is it amazing for advice and hand-me-downs, but it also allays my fear that I have become a complete neurotic. Let me rephrase that…it makes me feel better to know that as I have excellent company on my road to becoming a complete neurotic as a first-time parent, as all my buddies with relatively new children of their own are neurotic too. I have no idea where some of the thoughts I think come from or why I feel the way I do sometimes, but it is so comforting to find out through conversations with friends that I am not the only one thinking them. Here’s what I mean (and please note, that all thoughts below have been validated by at least one other person who has thought the same thing. That, in my book, makes my thoughts very normal…although my husband may disagree):
1. Eat Your Words- I used to work as a Children’s Librarian. I currently work for the Children’s Literacy Foundation. I have been a writer and avid reader for my whole life. I love books. So, needless to say, when Tucker was born, I was determined to begin his love for reading on day one. In preparation for his arrival I bought copies of my favorite children’s books, requested books as shower gifts and even made sure to have a bookshelf put into his bedroom. Once he was born, I would read him a story in the morning and a story before bed every night. I always loved bedtime stories and was so excited to share this tradition with Tucker.
Well, Tucker has different ideas about the purpose of bedtime stories. Every night we (okay I) pick a book to read, sit Tucker on my lap, and start reading. From page one, Tucker does anything and everything he can to get the book in his mouth. He grabs pages. If it is not a board book he completely crinkles them and my stomach tightens inside…ah! don’t crinkle the pages! Be nice to the book! It doesn’t come out of my mouth that way…I usually just tell him to be more gentle. He keeps trying to shut the book. But don’t you want to hear the story? It’s a really good one…(and how are you going to be exposed to all these vocabulary words and learn that a caterpillar turns into a butterfly if you don’t listen to the story???). I have tried to sit with Tucker close to my body and hold the book in my hands with arms straight out in front of me so he can’t reach it…he just kicks it. But because I really want to finish the story I keep reading and turn another page and…..oh, christ, just chew the damn book. (Thought confirmed by mother of seven-month-old baby girl).
2. That’s Solid- Adding solids to Tucker’s repertoire of food has been a milestone in his life. But with it comes a whole new set of questions and, yes…c’mon it’s me who’s talking, concerns. How much should we be feeding him? How many times a day? Will he stop eating when he is full? These thoughts on their own are pretty legitimate and probably asked by the majority of new parents. Unfortunately my questions don’t stop there. My list continues on to include (mind you, I am very aware of my own neurosis and do not ask or state any of the following out loud..but I have thought them): Is he getting enough to eat? Is he getting too much to eat? He better stop eating when he is full because I don’t want to be force-feeding him and making him think that he needs to keep eating and eating teaching him bad habits and causing him to be obese when he grows up. (Thought confirmed by father of a one-year-old).
3. My Life in Dog Years- I feel like I look like I am 252 years old. Since having Tucker I feel like I have aged rapidly. Wrinkles around the eyes, boobs to my knees, squishy belly….here, I think this sums it up perfectly: A friend of mine and new mother as well (her daughter is three weeks older than Tucker) were talking the other day. We were talking about how we do such silly things to make our kids laugh and how half the time we don’t even know what they are laughing at. Anyway, she told me that her daughter cracks up into hysterics every time she steps out of the shower. “Hey,” she said. “I know I may not be at my finest right now, but it’s not that bad!”
In conclusion, I fully admit to my neurotic thoughts and even laugh at myself most of the time for thinking the things I do. That’s the first step to recovery, right?
Healthy (oh my God, is that ebola?). Happy(if I can finish the damn story). Loved(absolutely, of course).
PS Last Friday my husband and I ordered a pizza for dinner. As the pizza place is 10 minutes from our house we time it perfectly so my husband is able to swing by on his way home from work and grab it. This particular Friday, I called him to see if he wouldn’t mind popping into the store next to the pizza place to pick up some vanilla ice cream (I had made brownies and sundaes were calling my name…it was nice for the past year to have my pregnancy to blame for all my dessert cravings. Unfortunately, I don’t think the cravings had anything to do with my pregnancy, it was just a really good excuse to give into them ALL the time). Anyway, he agreed to get the ice cream, and I sat at home eagerly awaiting the arrival of my dinner. When my husband pulled in, he got out of the car, came in, put the ice cream in the freezer, looked at me and said, “I’ll be right back. I forgot the pizza.” Nice to know I’m not the only one losing my brain around here.
